So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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