Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i've created a new STD.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
