I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
