He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
