I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
