Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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