Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
