You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
