Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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