I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
