you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize