She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
