i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize