Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
