This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
