Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
