dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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