I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
