Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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