Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
