My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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