I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
