Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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