Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
