i need an iv and a liver transplant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
