Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
