i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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