If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
