capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
