My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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