Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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