I got chris browned last night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
