You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
