I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
