Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can text with my tongue
babies were throwing up all over the place
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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