Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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