I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
