Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
