Don't you send me to vm
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
