There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
