i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
