you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
