Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
