omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
