i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
