i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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