Whod you bang
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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