no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
