I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
