shes about as inviting as chlamydia
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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