So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
