Rock
Scissors
Fuck
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
