My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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