I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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