normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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