I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
