You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
