she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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