And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
