similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
