i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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