i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
