how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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