I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
