i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
